"I came for the party to get naughty." - Digital Underground, Same Song [buy the album]
This actress was at Spider with her boyfriend but kept eyeing me on the dance floor. As I sang along to 1999, the grin on her face widened and she whispered something to her girl friend. I watched her boyfriend's eyes. He was smooth, unflinching as he noticed her being distracted by me and my good time but his eyes let me know he was pissed. I smirked and turned away. I wasn't trying to be in between Monday night lovers so I climbed up on the raised area and sat next to the DJ kid and his girlfriend that I met earlier and discussed the quality of Spider's 80s night Disc Jockey's cuts, scratches, and blends.
Wanna Be Startin' Somethin' hit the speakers and I stood up. Now is the time on Sprockets when we dance. I pointed at the crowd I was with and we dropped it like it was hot. I surveyed the crowd: Rosenbaum's shiny Lex Luthor head is roaming through the crowd as he talks to every woman that crosses his path. Hyde sits at the bar alone, no Bijou sighting for me tonight. Mila sits with the night's promoter and they clap together and, as usual, she's being as sweet as she can be. That other Mister JT is in the building and I'm downing Ketel Sodas in preparation for the mano a mano dance-off we must have. There can be only one.
But before I can jump off the stage and step to my nemesis like my last name was Federline, the cute little actress is looking up at me from the floor. She's a brunette with gorgeous doe eyes and a wide smile. She's tiny. I recognize her face but can't place her name. She's like some cross between the first and third Pink Power Rangers and has done commercials and played "the friend" in random shows I think.
"Are you a bouncer," she asked.
"No, why does everyone always think I'm a bouncer or bodyguard," I said.
"I don't know. You just seem, like, important or something. Do you know if I can dance on the pole?"
"Yes, you can," I said and took her hand and arm, helping her up on the stage. She stood slightly behind me and hooked her hand slyly between my elbow and my torso.
"Are you sure," she asked.
"I'm here practically every week. It's allowed."
"I don't know," she said and I turned and gave her my "are you serious" look. I decided to guide her towards the pole but before she could get there, one of the ladies in my party climbed up and took control.
"See, now you've lost your chance." Jessie's Girl was playing and my pole dancing acquaintance was making room for the actress to join her when the music stopped and the lights went up.
Fire Marshal in the house like what?!
We stood around for twenty minutes as they cleared the stairwells and made Spider safe for reveling. I helped ladies on and off the stage as they sought to get a better look. We sang Kumbaya to pass the time. I raised my glass to Shock G in the corner. He sucked down some Grey Goose straight from the bottle.
I turned back to the dark haired actress and her man was on the scene. She smiled at me, I winked back and then turned to my friends as we discussed leaving.
The lights dropped again and then the familiar funkadelic rhythms of Digital Underground blew threw the speakers as Shock G climbed up on his booth by the DJ stand and ripped into Freaks of the Industry. The crowd blew up. I was amazed to see this pack of hipsters know the words to Freaks. He dropped a quick verse from Same Song and then jumped right into Humpty Dance.
For three minutes, the cool veneer of Spider was broken. Scenesters, hipsters, hangers-on, and pretenders alike were crazy wack funky.
Sadly, though, that other Mister JT had slipped out before we could settle this.
And now I'm here trying to find a cassette player so that I can actually listen to this Kiss You Back maxi single that is covered in dust and grime instead of just reading through the liner notes.
Shock G claims that Digital Underground & the Luniz are performing at 14 Below in Santa Monica on October 21st but the aren't on the schedule.
IF they are there, though, Sex Packets will be required.