Negro Please

This is the diary of a Broke Negro

"They say you walk close to the ground so you can always hear distant whispers in your ear." - Devics, Distant Radio

I have $39 to my name. There's a $1000 check out there in this city with my name on it that I hope to get my hands on this weekend, sure, and I get my first check of mickey dollars from the House of Mouse on Wednesday but today, Saturday morning, I'm working with a twenty, a ten, a five and 4 ones.

I haven't worked for 5 months out of the last 10. I spent 4 months on vacation from work. I had severance and a vision of blogging laist into a full-time gig. I spent a week in Austin, Texas, partially on my own dime. I've bought  a lot of geek products, gadgets and software. While not working, my rent increased 33%. It costs $40 right now to fill my gas tank. I haven't ever maintained a budget. I've always made more money than I've needed.

Despite my lack of planning and free-wheelin' financial sense, I'd managed to stay in the black with some coin to spare leading up to my first real pay day with the new gig.

Then there was an audible pop from my tires on Tuesday. A flat on Wednesday. New shoes for the Ion on Thursday. 4 new shoes.

My wallet wept.

This is why I should take public transportation. Me and cars ain't never been friends.

I had $89 last night.

Then we went to Brasil.

So, Hi. My name is Jason. I'm fat and broke.

Wanna make out?

Sunday Random Ten: Death to Lists Edition

"I'm not ready to be believed." - N*E*R*D, Run To The Sun

I scrolled down on this site today and realized for at least the last month, all I've posted have been lists. That's terrible blog-fu. So, from now on, lists are relagated to Sundays as part of the random ten. Hopefully, I'll get it all out of my system here and leave the rest of the virtual writing tablet for more substantial fare.

Let's get to it:

Out of 150 songs currently part of my playlist called "The Station", we've got ourselves a

Sunday Random 10

1. He Think I Don't Know - Mary J. Blige
2. Interview - Slim Thug
3. Summer Sun - Koop
4. What You're Puttin' Me Through - Diane Newby
5. Can You Feel It? - Mr. Fingers
6. Next Lifetime - Erykah Badu
7. Spend Some Time - The Brand New Heavies
8. Outerlimit (Space Ho) - Madlib
9. Peaches & Cream - Beck
10. Sunshowers - M.I.A.

I consumed:

1. Ma' At Mama by Ursula Rucker
2. The Find by Ohmega Watts
3. Searching for Soul by Various Artists
4. Mission Impossible 3 by JJ Abrams
5. Virgin Ubiquity by Roy Ayers
6. short but funky by DJ Mel

me @ laist this week:

1. More Bang For Your Buck
   
2. Vintage Design to Futuristic Funk
3. Clipper Nation Stand Up
4. Japanese Punks Do It Louder

Okay, now I feel better. On to real posting.

tags: lists | laist | all consuming | last.fm | random10

8 in 52: Hokum: an anthology of African-American humor

"You in show business? Then get your foot off the stage, nigga." - Madlib, Black Mozart (Opus III)

Hokum: an anthology of African-American humor edited by Paul Beatty (Bloomsbury, 2006). It pisses me off that there isn't a black correspondent on The Daily Show. If there is a benchmark for contemporary comedy and satire it is Jon Stewart and his cast of faux reporters and their completely satirical counter-part, Stephen Colbert. There are jokes and points that can only be made from people of color. How different would the Daily Show's comedy about Hurricane Katrina had been if they had just one black face in their stable?

Hmmm, maybe not so much. It's not like Kenan Thompson and Finesse Mitchell get to do much "black" comedy on SNL (except that one time).

I came into Hokum hoping to find someone I could look at as a kind of black Mark Twain, constantly turning the mirror back on us, the view askew. Showcasing our absurdity through brilliant satire. I'm not sure that person exists in the written word. Dave Chappelle and Paul Mooney probably fit the bill the closest but the writers? Who are these people?

I don't think Beatty finds them in Hokum. There are flashes, sure. Danzy Senna's The Mulatto Millennium is still one of the defining essays from the 90s and is still hilarious. The words of Mike Tyson and Al Sharpton are always absurd but perhaps the problem here is that we can never quite tell if they are in on the joke or not. Sharpton probably is, Tyson probably isn't. Or maybe it's vice-versa.

I think I might find some comfort in knowing that Tyson was constantly winking at the camera while praising allah and hoping to eat another man's offspring.

There's true black brilliance in Trish Benson's Fifth Ward Email which opens:

"Memo to the bitch trying to cause disharmony between me and my husband.

Greetings Ho -"

There's Trey Ellis's Preliminary Scholarship Aptitude Test which, 20 years later, would be prime material for McSweeney's. There are lots of amazing names and some spectacular poetry. And some humor with titles and language that can only be categorized as black. I can't imagine anyone other than a black American asking in verse, "Should Old Shit Be Forgot?"

But Beatty is right, there is not even a black Dave Berry. Maybe Zora Neale Hurston  was once, for a time, but today, who shines the light on us? Who sees Black America today and goes "WTF?" and writes about it comedically? Intelligently? Consistently?

And how would we know it was satire?

Hokum is highly highly recommended.

tags: 52in52 | books | hokum

7 in 52: The Lost Blogs

"Why did we have to meet on the night I lost my head?" - Maximo Park, The Night I Lost My Head

The Lost Blogs: From Jesus to Jim Morrison by Paul Davidson (Warner Books, 2006). I lost my copy of The Lost Blogs. I read it way back in March during SXSW because, hey, what better time to read a blog book then when I'm out amongst the blogeratti? I whipped through it and chuckled regularly, smirking often and unable to stifle full blown laughter in a few points. It appears I'm a sucker for 2 types of nerdy blog humor: Historical blog entries from extremely positive but naive people (when John Lennon blogs about his first meeting with Yoko Ono) and accurate portrayals of blog & web geekdom ( the 3am comment war between William Randolph Hearst and Orson Welles on Welles's Citizen Kane Blog). Paul writes lots more in that style and you should be greatful for that. Too bad I couldn't keep my head together enough to remember to pick it up off the night stand before I got in a cab and got on a plane.

I'm a little wary about books that read like blogs. The blog, by it's nature, requires some action by their readers. Click here. Respond to this. Watch this video. See these pictures. There are some points in The Lost Blogs when I want my mouse. I want access to Moses' webring. I want to see the pictures and tech specs of his Holy Portable Communication Device. The blog is a unique medium. It is not quite like writing for print which is why many bloggers turned authors aren't very good and don't produce quality work.

Thankfully, Paul is accomplished and talented in both worlds and The Lost Blogs is still an excellent read despite it's lack of hotlinks.

Maybe in the future we'll have full creative fiction blog projects adeptly put together by both skilled writers and witty web professionals who can create a real honest-to-goodness blook. Until then, though, we'll keep reading The Lost Blogs and like it.

That is if I hadn't lost our Lost Blogs in Austin.

Tags: 52in52 | the lost blogs | paul davidson | books | blogs | humor

Memelicious - A to Z

"Kiss me as you go...goodbye" - Lizz Wright, Goodbye

In honor of Amandarin, who got drunky, funky and funny with me at the Drinks with Bloggers meet-up at The Well this past Wednesday, I'll do a meme.

And I'll even like it.

Accent: People from Los Angeles do not have accents.

Booze: Ketel Soda ... Bourbon on the rocks.

Chore I Hate: Bathroom clean-up

Dogs/Cats: Dogs all the way.

Essential Electronics: video iPod, nintendo ds, sidekick II, canon powershot s60

Favorite Perfume/Cologne: Bulgari Blu

Gold/Silver: neither. I like fabric, leather and wood accessories.

Hometown: Van Nuys, CA

Insomnia: Sometimes but none right now, thanks.

Job Title(s): Web Producer and Editor-At-Large

Kids: Yours, not mine.

Living Arrangements: Temporarily in the game room in my parent's house. Actively looking for a new East Valley home so I can bike to work and start taking the metro places.

Most Admired Trait: Gosh, I hope it's my wit, words of wisdom and other W things.

Number of Sexual Partners: I don't hump around or kiss and tell but less than a handful.

Overnight Hospital Stays: None.

Phobia: Umbrellas. Edges.

Quote: Be the author of your own horoscope - Lonnie "Pops" Lynn

Religion: Currently under internal debate.

Siblings: One.

Time I usually wake up: 7am...every day.

Unusual Talent: mental telepathy

Vegetable I refuse to eat: raw sliced tomato

Worst Habit: Avoidance

X-Rays: 3 - Teeth, broken arm, strained back

Yummy Foods I Make: Macaroni & Cheese, Ginger Chicken Soup, Banana Pudding

Zodiac Sign: Pisces on the cusp of Aries (but I'm very Pisces)

Sunday Random Ten: Apartment Hunting Edition

"She comes back to the cooler side of town but she lives in my lap." - Outkast, She Lives In My Lap

Out of 3196 songs...

1. Mad World - Tears For Fears
2. Beautiful Days - Fantastic Plastic Machine
3. Gorgeous - King Britt Presents Sylk 130
4. Amazona - Chocolate Genius, Inc.
5. Sympathy - Sleater-Kinney
6. It's Over - Ghostface Killah
7. Can'tneverdidnothin' - Nikka Costa
8. Half Steering - Spymob
9. It's Like That - Jay Dee
10. He Think I Don't Know - Mary J. Blige

This week on Laist I wrote about the Brand New Heavies, Knitta Please, The Minuteman Project and DJ Dusk. I also interviewed one of my favorite people in the Clipper Nation.

It was a busy week.

tags: random10 | laist

Not Really an Update

"Honey sweet apples/They're rotting away." - Belle and Sebastian, Song for Sunshine

Blank Blog Box, why do you taunt me so?

Things you should know:
 - about negroplease.com has been updated.
- about jason toney has been updated.
- the contact info has been tweaked a bit.
- I'm experimenting with using google reader as my blogroller instead of bloglines (check the sidebar)
- I can't believe it's May.
- I like my new job at the house of mouse.

Oh, and...a question:

What's your favorite album released in 2006?

Gnarls Barkley's St. Elsewhere might eventually move into the top position but tonight mine is Madlib's Beat Konducta Vol 1 & 2: Movie Scenes. It fights with J Dilla's Donuts on most days for top position and then, every once in a while, I think it's Rabbit Fur Coat.

tags: music