"Ma, you can keep your head. I got expensive habits, what I need is bread." - Jay-Z on Snoop Dogg's Lollipop (Paid Tha Cost to Be Tha Bo$$)
My pimp hand is not as strong as I thought it was. I got invited to 4 parties this week that had me gassed. A true playa has to decline events, know what I'm sayin'? So I relaxed instead of going to a Columbia Records joint on Wednesday choosing instead to roll up on an album release party for a hip-hop act I'm writing a piece on.
Yeah, wrong choice.
It's not that it was bad. Yeah, okay, it was bad. Real bad. Let's not have a party in a decrepit diner. Let's not serve McDonald's fries but pretend they are your own. Let's not serve MGD in buckets. Let's not have the motliest of crews rolling through. I know hip hop is for everyone but I wasn't ready for Down Syndrome Rachel Griffiths trying to dance behind the counter or MC L'Chaim sporting Hasidic corn rows.
No, twin Nokia ladies, we would not like our picture taken on your nokia cell phones. Any proof that we were actually here will require arson to get rid of the evidence and since you two are pretty much the only cute people here I wouldn't want to have to cover you with third degree burns.
But I will.
Oh, we can wear suits and paper chef hats together? I did not know that. Comb over wigs are the new hip hop accessory? Wow. Maybe I was wrong to be wishing for the death knell of bling bling.
And I know hip hop is for 5 to 55. All ages and shit but I don't really need to see a gray haired white cat rocking a pnb cap, baggy jeans and an ecco shirt. I really don't.
The DJ was okay. Sort of. At least he played some D-Nice and some Chubb Rock (well, Crooklyn Dodgers to be exact but it's Chubb who makes that track work). We couldn't last for the live performance, though. I had just finished my second MGD and was threatening to make out with Down Syndrome Rachel Griffiths like my name was Nate and we starred in the dimwit version of HBO's hit series...
Six Points Under (the iq line for mental retardation)
Yeah, that's a sign it's time to go home.