an ordinary day, november 1993

"I think to back in the day/I absorbed everything like a sponge/took a plunge into my past to share with my son/bringing back sweet memories" - Talib Kweli and DJ Hi Tek as Reflection Eternal, Memories Live (Train of Thought)

I walked into my dorm room laughing and full. Lunch from Colonial Commons was known to do that to me. Watching Amy steal a good 5 dollars in food as she ate it while we waited in line to have our trays weighed always gave me the giggles. I would loudly try to out her transgression as she would seek to beat me into submission with a mouth full of pineapple or salad. This session ended with me poking her cheeks and getting partially chewed orange bits projected onto my face and shirt. I was still picking off pieces of orange from my clothing as I put the phone to my ear.

"You have two messages," the automated woman said. I pressed 2 on the keypad.

"First message, received at 11:31 AM." There was a pause and then -click-. I pressed 2 again.

"Next message, received at 11:32 AM." Again, a pause but then a voice, "Uhh, hi, Jason? Uhh, you don't know me but I…I don't know how to say this. I'm your sister. Half-sister, I guess. We have the same dad. My name is…"

I have no idea what her name is. She said it and it fell right out of my head. I was confused. My dad has another family? My mom's going to be so pissed. What does she mean she's my sister? My sister is 6 and I'm pretty sure she can't call long distance.

Oh.

Wait a minute.

Wait one goddamn minute. She's my sister? Like, my Dad, as in that guy we don't talk about because we don't really care, I mean, I have a dad and sure we don't get along so well and I was pissed when he adopted me officially and changed my last name that I had been cultivating for 12 years at that point but he's not a bad guy and my mom's happy and it just never occurred to me to consider that there was this other person out there and…

And you mean his life continued after my mom gave birth to me? He didn't just dissapear in some Nebraskan corn fields? He isn't some fictional character that only existed for the sole purpose of giving me life and then went back into the ooze from which he appeared? He's real? My dad's real?

Of course your dad is real, asshole. He's a musician. He lives in California. He helped give birth to your sister, makes love to your mother and doesn't know how to talk to you. He wants you to be a better man, a more responsible one, one who cares about family above all else. He wanted you to be a musician even though you weren't so inclined. He doesn't really understand that you're doing something relevant when you're reading all those books. He loves you. For as long as you can remember, he's loved you.

What about that thing with the cat and grandma and catwoman? That was before him and I remember that.

Shut up. You get my point.

Yeah, I get it. What now, though? How do I approach my mother with this information? Do I let her know what's happened? I mean, what has happened? Anything? It was just a phone call. A message, in fact, not even real two-way communication. And I can't even remember her name, let alone his name (you will when you talk to your mother) and this is just stupid. See, I'm already forgetting it. It doesn't matter. I have a mom and a dad and a sister already. What do I need with anybody else?

The phone rings.

Don't pick it up, its going to be her. You don't want to talk to her. If you talk to her, you make this all real. You're going to fuck up everything.

"Hello?" Asshole.

"Is this Jason?"

"...Um yeah, I'm Jason."

"...Jason, my name is ..., I'm your sister."

"..."

"Um, My father is ...,"

*If the writer of this could actually remember anymore of this conversation he would be presenting it here. Unfortunately, he can't. Anybody know a good hypnotist?*

Comments

[Jake]

That's... intense.

[jaz]

wow jason.. what happened with the memory lapse? i just learned all about hypnotism in class last week.. i might be able to hook you up ;-)

[Jason]

Jaz -

3am your time? You out partyin til the wee hours?

I think the memory lapse is just because I wasn't ready to process it at the time. It was like a sucker punch and I just shook it off and kept walkin'.

[kd]

i had to read that, digest it, and come back in order to have anything to say. intense, indeed.

if it were me, i would feel a sense of great loss having lost that conversation somewhere in my mind. but it's strange how the mind works like that. is it for the best? hmm.

[jadedju]

That happens to me regularly when faced with deeply emotional conversations or events. I know the information is in my head somewhere, but I usually can't access anything but the feelings that were associated with it.